relevant ads are relevant?

"If you have an ad that is relevant, you are more likely to pay attention," said Juenger.

really? you think so? you mean ads can be funny... or inspiring... or have a good soundtrack... or generally try and notify us of things we may actually need? ...you mean people haven't entirely lost all interest in trying to spend money? you mean that possibly, just maybe, good advertising is... good? well-targeted? dare i say relevant? nofuckingshit.

but in case you needed a case study to tell you something you could have probably deduced (that the :30 isn't going anywhere, that people watch good advertising, and that like everything else as we move forward, it's about relevancy) then you can read this TiVo study. have fun.

[note: no offense to the blog. studies like this just never cease to amaze me. because what's worse than the deductions is that someone is sitting on a conference room asking for these supportive stats. hello. you watch tv. you are a consumer. what do you do? it slays me when people stop acting like people and become marketers 24/7.]

small town bar supports stumbling home.

drink, don't drive.

hate hate: keira knightley. & boobs.

alright, i don't hate boobs. but i do hate keira knightley. her poor excuse, stoic, mouth-acting has ruined every single period piece film for the past half a decade (i won't get into star wars or pirates). and the only historic one she didn't corrupt was overrun with her twin natalie portman.

but, as Adrants has pointed out, keira did something maybe kinda halfway decent (arguably for the first time). she declined post-production touch-ups to enhance her breasts for the collateral on the new movie The Duchess. and you know what? i'm more than okay with that. dare i say i wish other actresses would follow suit.

it's nice for someone to make a stand like that and say, my body is good the way it is. kudos to keira for that. the real thing is, though, i wonder how many magazines are going to cover this information, or is it just going to be an afterthought (somewhere after the thought 'did she get a breast reduction?'). i recognize it's all over google and the celeb dish blogs, but i'm talking about the kids.

i would love for a girls' magazine to cover this, interview her, and let her be that role model. i want to see it in Elle Girl, in CosmoGirl, in Seventeen, in YM. disappointing to just have it fall by the wayside, covered by us folks intrigued by advertising and photoshop, and not the folks who should be sending the message.

travel destination: LIRR, Westin.

so, coming home from a yummy sushi dinner at Azuki last night (if you like sushi, do it up; they're 520 8th ave), i got to staring (as i always do) at the often inane ad posters on the inside of the LIRR trains.

now to begin with, i find these sort of things often funny. frequently the same ad goes up, in the same entrance/exit car, facing each other. as if you didn't get the point on your left, you may need it mirrored on the right. regardless.

this is actually about a train ad i like--mostly.

Westin has been doing some halfway decent advertising in the past year, really breaking the clutter from competitor hotel advertisements by using the age old trick of not showing what you're selling. these train ads, i presume, are part of that campaign. they are really high quality nature images with one phrase of copy and the logo. that's it. if anyone can find a shot of these, let me know--i looked.

they caught my eye because they were nice to see on a dreary train. the copy was even clever. one was a shot of an immense tidal wave and the words "rush hour." another had incredibly tall trees and the word "skyscrapers." another was a shot of para sailing, from the feet down with the ocean, and the words "middle seat." the message was relevant and acute.

there was only one problem ad in the campaign. a pristine shot of a path through the woods. the phrase? "avoid the traffic." this breaks the noun trend they've been using. moreover, it lost relevance. we're on a bloody train. relate to the train, not the car i'm not in. a better phrase? "public transportation."

has anyone else seen these ads elsewhere? what did you think?

just cuil off--premature race entry.

the response to Cuil, the recently launched "competitive" search engine to rival Google, has been wholeheartedly underwhelming. you can see everyone's under-enthusiasm in a little stream compliments of twitter. Cuil is pronounced "cool"--but a word to the wise. be careful with this ridiculous name: don't misspell it, at least not at work.

Cuil was formed by ex-Google employees in a hope to give Google a run for its money. basically, it's got a pretty neat interface. it looks fun. which is important. "remember that the search occasion isn't just mandatory, it's also fun!"

but anyway. integrating images into the search results are pretty cool and somewhat reminiscent of StumbleUpon--with one downside: the pictures aren't right.

the results are fewer, despite Cuil sporting a "wider scope" of tracked pages, and the results are also irrelevant. if i search for me, i don't even get this blog. i get a laundry list of "buzzter" records. no profiles, nothing. it is hard to find me, even if you're looking directly for me. this problem is across the board, it seems, and not just with my branding.

there are also many complaints about its slow load time, in addition to its irrelevance and image errors. so basically, the take home message is, Cuil is very... pretty. otherwise, currently useless. holds a lot of promise, but for it being a few years in the works, its launch into the seo race seems largely premature. it's leaving a bad first impression, but people seem open to possibilities.

perhaps take it back into the Batcave and emerge with some better technology--the costume is just fine. my questions to you:

how important are the longer text blocks and the images to you? do you prefer the 2-or-3 column look, or are you more comfortable with the Google-style laundry list of results? how do you say it? i just can't say "cool." i wind up with that ridiculous teen word in my head, "kewl," like kyool, whenever i see the word Cuil.

another epic fail used to totally win at branding.

friendly warning: before you hit play, make sure your volume is at a reasonably low level.

similar to how twitter followers have embraced the Fail Whale, Croc (shoes i hate) are capitalizing on that hatred in an endearing fashion. [i caught this commercial at some point on G4 while watching the Heroes seasons 2 marathon saturday, when i should have been swimming.]

this commercial worked for me because i do really, really bloody hate them. hate hate. Crocs knows this. they know that we hate them. they also know that no amount of advertising is going to make me want to purchase a pair [due to said undying hatred]--but, they did improve their communications, in my eyes, for recognizing and using this to their advantage in a funny way that i can relate to, even as a non-Crocs wearer; moreover, it creates this rebellious subculture among those who do wear them. Yeah, We Wear Those Shoes You Hate. And Eff You, Too.

where it doesn't gain, it reinforces.
it is that culture around a brand--it's accomplishments as well as its shortcomings--that help to make the brand an integral part of your life. when the brand isn't just a word, or a product, but a personal statement. congrats on Crocs achieving a piece of that with this commercial.

Rush epic fails at playing... Rush.

courtesy of @ischafer, this pretty much sums it up, but i had to share:



you can watch Rush fail at playing their own song, Tom Sawyer, on Expert in Rock Band here, courtesy of Laughing Squid.

[note: i'm not surprised. all my musically inclined friends tell me that all Rock Band/Guitar Hero do is teach you to miss, and thus fail. doesn't stop me from playing anyway! still, this gesture is really awesome, and fun to geek out to. kudos to Rush.]

friday felines part 3: riblet, cosplay, sharks.

as always promised, here i go, distracting your fridays with.... felines!

first order of business: Riblet.
"Bird loathing works up a powerful hunger." -- Riblet.
if you ever wanted to read a twitter feed consisting mainly of a cat discussing its food bowl, @riblet is for you. OK, so you may ask yourself, who the fuck cares? and you'd be right, because i asked myself the same damn thing. except for, it turns out to be awesome. see why here. be curious, support the "gray cat agenda."

second order of business: catgirls.
okay, not really catgirls. it's the inversion of cosplay. rather than girls dressing up as cats, this (Japanese) site encourages cats dressing up as girls. or samurai. or robin hood. or a corn doll. don't ask. just go. get a good giggle. and then feel pity for that very, very patient feline who didn't tear out his or her owner's eyes during that photoshoot.

last order of business: sharks.
bad photoshop, but still, some creepy merit a la sharkweek (when was that anyway?).

previous friday feline installments: (1: kitten wars, 2: zombie cats)

first impressions: myspace, facebook newness.

Facebook redesign: shitty. too many tabs. sure, it was a little cluttered before, but i liked it. i went and i got a whole view of a person. i know it's silly, but it is honest to say: i don't have time for your tabs. i'm not going to check your apps, which sucks for those of us sharing Flair or using SocialVibe, to name a few. i also don't understand why the default tab is my conversations while my information is secondary. also, don't need to know about my friends' friends. should we just rename this Stalkers Unite? aka: "i don't care who you are, i just care about what you do." a message that seems to correlate to the advertisers, who think i need to Detox before the end of summer. hello. i don't think you could be talking to a "cleaner" girl. i just hope i can continue using the "old" format. take home message: this redesign verifies this shift.

MySpace openID: hesitant. it's not that i'm opposed to openID, in fact i'm sure it'll make a lot of folks' lives a lot easier. it's that i'm possibly (jury is still out) opposed to what it represents. at first i'm sure it'll be compulsory. after all, not everyone wants an openID. and all the merrier. openID, not openID, whatever. but people will push so that it'll function fully integrated. it will eventually become the only option. moreover, those who don't conform to the openID datamania will suffer from "inauthenticity." in a space where transparency is vital, it will be socially understood that those not authenticated with an openID have "something to hide." problematic for those of us who handle multiple IDs (corporate, personal, etc) unless we are able to use these services via multiple openIDs.

cool things to check out.

if you do nothing else today, you must wander on over to miss Jane's blog and view the special on "The Stopping Occasion." i'd post it here, but then i'd be stealing. so i'll borrow with credit. check out the absolute hilarity if you haven't heard about it already. oh, and if that's not enough for you, try out a youtube version of Choose Your Own Adventure (courtesy of adverblog). i was going to save it for Feline Friday, since it has to do with finding a cat named Sparta, but you get lucky this time.

be sure to stick your nose in or around all the fun cameras in the Plaid van. the tour is in full swing; i've followed them through Vancouver and Seattle so far (digitally speaking). i even got to listen to Bill pick radio stations. i was envious of the Canadian view, but even more jealous of their trip to Jones Soda. i love the Cream Soda best. they promised to drink one for me. you can tweet them, AIM them, and any number of other dirty-sounding social networking actions. ...PS >> if you didn't notice, even their social media tour shirts are dirty. can anyone say "tires"? hee! (thanks, greg, for loan of your photo!)

AdFreak. yes, as in the blog. they're on fire these past few days with some really interesting posts. if you're not a frequent reader, you should just dash on over there for a few minutes and peruse the latest stuff. full disclosure: no, they did not ask me to do this. i really just enjoyed it that much. so apparently did johnny (every time i type his name, i hear Poe's Angry Johnny in my head).

the stone gods, revisited.

alright, if you're a frequent reader of my blog, you may have noticed my references to "the stone gods" every now and then. it's actually a book by Jeanette Winterson, a wonderfully difficult current English writer. my favourite author, in truth. even though, like her other novels, it deals on some level with love triangles, gender roles, time variance, and other nuances of plot, i frequently find a lot of it relevant to advertising, marketing, and PR. that could also be because it's a futuristic book (see excerpt here, with the tour of the Blue Planet).

as i touched on briefly with the issue of transference in music, many things are becoming increasingly intangible as we move forward. American Shelf Life touched on this briefly with regards to money (and the decreased use of bills) but did not consider the same implications. it's something that the main character, Billie, in the Stone Gods had to deal with. all of their money was "theoretical" in the sense that ours is (with regards to cards). they had Credits.

problem with things you can't touch, that you can't own? problems with releasing data, this thing you can't take back? you don't know, can't control, where it goes. Billie falls into disfavour with the government. the Credits she "has" suddenly disappear. she can't park her car, her house is taken away. sounds familiar, right? like some case of stolen identity. except there's no law to protect that. any records of transference, done without her permission, have been deleted. as a friend once said in his blog, "What makes you think that because something is written down on a piece of paper it becomes true?"

i love this future we have coming. but in this theoretical space, i also have no issues around my own transparency and my own fear for it. i do use my debit card far more than cash. i had those same experience @SarahHutton described. but so what happens if our money becomes Credits? does that make you feel safer? or does it not concern you; does it not matter? i'd really be interest in the thoughts outside my own head on this one.

for you typography geeks out there.

here here. i know you exist. this one's for you. MAILBOX.

someone make money off this.

okay, if this service already exists, someone, please leave me the link.

EDIT: i am told iLike.com does this; i am investigating. want to be my friend?
also--does iLike email me, or do i have to remember to check iLike? cos then it's the same damn problem.

if it doesn't exist, someone get the fuck on it please? for real.

i want to be updated when bands i subscribe to come tour in my area. i feel like i'm forever checking 5 venue sites and 4098554 band pages and i ALWAYS seem to JUST miss whomever i wanted to see.

i need instant gratification and updates better than ticketmaster.com can give me. this can't be hard. if you have a database of bands constantly being added to and updated with tour dates, and then people subscribe to those updates when the variable is within XX mile of them...

then again, i'm a copywriting creative. i only moonlight as a programmer. what do i know.

PS >> no one wants to go see the Faint with me @ Terminal 5. i'm sad.
PPS >> the image is the Cliks. i'm addicted right now. Lucas Silveira's voice is yummy and will make you like Justin Timberlake again with the cover of Cry Me a River. don't hate. check it out on last.fm. if you like that cover, try on Complicated and Oh Yeah.

july about how good your copy is?

okay. i can't believe i forgot to mention this. seeing as when i saw it, i called my mother up immediately to scream. nevermind that i was on an agency shoot. nevermind that it was almost lunchtime. all that mattered was the absolutely inane drivel i'd just seen.

as copyranter has honourably pointed out many, many times (and more), Kenny Cole should be prohibited from writing any more advertisements. ever. the puns are often confusing. and downright crappy. at first, i couldn't blame the guy his ego. at first, i kind of forgave Kenny.

after all, even though they were crappy, they had some (pseudo) attempt at relevance. awearness = awareness. potential carriers = bags/AIDS. etc. i get it. it's shitty, but i get it. marrying two concepts, commercialism and activism? not the first or the last time. but on this past Friday i saw the biggest Kenny Cole atrocity ever while wandering around the upper west end of Colombus Ave:

JULY ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT?

and a whole bunch of other really terrible things you may "ly" about (in July?). i assume it correlated to some month-long sale. i don't care. this particular advertisement crossed a line for me in Kenny Cole land. i can forgive shitty if it's uplifting. sure, raise AIDS awareness. sure, "make the most of grey summer days" with new grey styles. sure, acknowledge that we all walk in "different shoes" and then buy some.

but the derogatory nature (as if i should be surprised) aimed mainly at women (again, should i be surprised) combined with bastardizing punning (as usual) makes this the worst thing he's rolled out with yet. i'm ashamed for him. this gets a big ride on the failboat, hook line and sinker.

how facebook ads are expanding gender use.

i think i'm actually an advocate of the above ad. minus the "fail" part.

courtesy of failblog.org

negative points for one of my fave beers.

i only like a hand full of beers. here. i'll list them for you:
magic hat 9. blue moon. yuengling. guinness. corona. sapporo (w/sake). newcastle.
...yeah, i think that's it. (take note if you ever want to buy me one.)

unfortunately, america's oldest brewery apparently sucks at life. or at least at PR. in short, it will have me hesitant next time i have to decide between a blue moon and a yuengling, which is a hard choice i frequently have to make.

at length, apparently there was a truck "posing" as a yuengling deliverer; the truck did some hasty Manhattan driving maneuvers, resulting in a brawl of epic proportions. alright, i lie. a small spat in which this poor lad winds up punched and deemed a faggot (which, to say the least, makes Riot cranky).

yuengling then begged off, stating it wasn't one of their drivers, and no, they couldn't give any further information so that Brad could notify whomever company the employee did belong to. at the very least, this is a case for some hands-on twitter love that their PR folks should get on. at best, i'm filing this under a hardcore "wtf?"

talk about not much to work with.

you do the best with what you've got.

it's a phrase you hear a lot, but is hard to really wrap your head around--really get at the heart of what that means. yesterday, when i was roaming various towns on Long Island, i found a place that was inspiring: Down the Rabbit Hole Wine Boutique. they were doing exactly that.

when i first walked past the storefront, that was what happened: i walked past it. but something made me pause. it could be the "Human Tasting" sign in the front with an arrow inside, or it could have been the word "wine." i'll leave the discerning to you. i walked in; the place was not 5 feet wide. it narrowed the farther in you went. it was, literally, a hole in the wall.

as prime property--main street in Sayville--it was too good to pass up, especially right next to the renowned Sayville Chocolatier (which was why i was there in the first place). but how to make it work? the proprietors ran with what they had, literally. keeping the concept of a hole in the wall that narrows as you go, the wine shoppe took on an Alice in Wonderland theme.

"Drink Me" pointed to the daily wine tasting on the counter. the right hand wall shelved all the wines, including Guilty and Innocent (the only place on the island to sell those, by the way!), grouped by prevailing flavour: Fruity [white rabbit], Flowery [madhatter], Earthy [caterpillar], Spicy [queen of hearts], and Sparkling [cheshire cat] with paintings above each section of the respective character.

there's more fun to be had there, so if you're ever in Sayville, check it out. in the meanwhile, take a lesson: sometimes working with what little you've got could be the best thing to set you apart.

it's 3:30 am. know where your Riot is?

well, i was not disappointed. batman was badass. go see it. twice.

i have an all-day shoot today so i won't be able to update. i just got back from the midnight showing. this is my dedication to you. at threefuckingthirty am.

if you're being a night owl, check out this awesome review/compilation of the Dark Knight marketing. browse the sites. be a little less... serious. EDIT: yeah, it pwned this weekend. i saw it twice. next stop: IMAX.

i got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!

...or more geetar, baby, yeah. need a way to liven up your party? these are ridiculous. ridiculously fun. i got turned on when a random package from Amazon showed up on my doorstep. turned out my friend Lissa felt the need to make my kitchen amusing. or at least my alcohol. package your ice and start a conversation.

the "cool jazz" set not your thing? not Lissa's, either. she sent me the bling bling. because i'm a scene queen like that. it's really cool--they're rubber molds you fill with water and pop out. very easy. i think it'd be awesome to walk into a bar and have them serve you with odd mini ice sculptures. i'm thinking Absolut should capitalize (and i don't even like Absolut).

other floating fun includes the pirate edition, gin & titonic (watch out for the iceberg!), and the really super awkward dentures (i don't get it, either). they also do stirrers in stars and fruit. but if you're really boring, or just looking for more straight-up fun, they also sell ice shotglasses.

all courtesy of worldwidefred.com

ridiculous laws. pringles are cake?

so in honor of this ridiculous law that may qualify pringles as cake, reported by ian tait here, i have decided to do up a post to make you giggle in the coming AM. laws you didn't know you didn't know.

the newest: indecent exposure.
how many times have you seen (or been) that kid with the pants hanging low and a surreptitious inch of boxer showing? i confess to raise my hand. NO MORE! says Michigan. they are cracking down (pun intended) with the help of a cop named Dick (no joke, i couldn't write this any better). check it out. too much boxer and you're suspended. or in need of suspenders. i bet Mr. Dick has images of Denis Leary's "under-fuckin-wear" skit dancing through his dreams.

the oldest: and more.
- Alaska law says that you can't look at a moose from an airplane.
- In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.
- It is against the law to mispronounce the name of the State of Arkansas in that State.
- In Kentucky, it's the law that a person must take a bath once a year.
- In Utah, birds have the right of way on any public highway.
- In North Carolina, it is against the law for dogs and cats to fight.
- In Virginia, chickens cannot lay eggs before 8:00 a.m., and must be done before 4:00 p.m.
- In San Francisco, there is an ordinance, which bans the picking up and throwing of used confetti.
- In Michigan, married couples must live together or be imprisoned.
- In the state of Colorado, a pet cat, if loose, must have a tail-light

focus on: the rut.

a late afternoon funny. because i love English. and graffiti.



you'd better believe you can see more funny, inappropriately titled cartoons here at the rut. look for the one with the rabbits.
yeah... you know which one i'm talking about. hahaha.

xox,
a girl who's mad as rabbits.

first impressions: agencies gone wild, more.

this post is about things i am jealous of.

i am jealous of the Plaid Nation tour bus. i wish i was on it. in fancy plaid. maybe the plaid i wore in high school. i had some serious punk rawk b&w plaid pants. oh yeah, i'd wear those. it'd be wild. i am forlorn that all the fun will be on the opposite coast. i anxiously await my shirt (thanks RJ et al!) and i will pretend i was cool enough to be there.

i am jealous of 1 Person Trends. i want to start a 1 person trend. i especially enjoy the one about the woman and the facebook status. see it here. and by the way, i do totally use "yrs" because i'm a rebel grrrl like that. so that makes that one a 2-person trend. my 1 person trend: going to McDonald's only to buy the toys.

i am jealous of these bizarre lists which tell you What You Need If... yanno, you want to become a baller. or go to prison. or go fast (faster pussycat kill kill). or pick up a 7th grade chick (hey i didn't write it). how about if i want to get hired at the agency of my dreams? yeah i didn't think so, either. some kind of postmodern problem there, i assume, about the paradox of the assumption of such an agency.

i am jealous of debranding a home; i don't think i could do it. some brands comfort me. i have become a brand. my friends are brands that endorse other brands. we are the entities we project. without my brands, what am i? and yet, i am jealous of that freedom. plus those labels are pretty badass. you have to admit they're, dare i say, pretty.

i am jealous of the good work TWLOHA is doing in collaboration with PostSecret to save the Hopeline (1800SUICIDE) from being government-run (and thus non-confidential). i am jealous of the movement and anxious to donate, help, and get involved. can't wait to get the PickUpThePhone tee after August 1st. if you're also jealous, buy a shirt or donate directly.

how my life has become more like the Sims.

this is something i've considered for some time.

primarily because when my father had lit our kitchen on fire, we both looked something like as pictured at the left. a certain screaming, up-in-arms motion as we stared dumbfounded at it, profoundly doing nothing as the stove went up in flames. only after a good ten seconds of registering "FIRE!" did we proceed to put it out. this is how i came to understand why my stupid Sims would never put out their own fires: they're like us.

as we become more and more digitally integrated, life shares more and more characteristics of the Sims. for example, Myspace Top Friends (and now with one of the new apps, Facebook, but less so). i revisited this the other day with am&a, and the conversation went something similar to as follows:

me: i'm not in your top friends! i am dejected. hahaha.
she: i didn't know you still used myspace! i'll put you back in. you'd just gone quiet, and you know, friending politics and all.

now mind you, am&a has a Top 24, because she's that popular, and she's right: i don't use Myspace all that much. i'm familiar with it, i have a certain friendgroup there, but that's not really my thing. what got me thinking was the Politics of Friending. the Unspoken Rules of the Top 8.

some of which are:
. if someone puts you in their top friends, you put them in yours.
... unless they're really not your friend.
... unless you have no interest in being their friend.
. you give them the benefit of the doubt.
... which is to say, they start the highest they can be.
... i spoke to you in HS, we're reconnecting, you get 6.
... unless you do me a solid and we become best friends.
. you take me out of your friends, you come out of mine.
... even if we talk every day in real life.
... just because you don't comment enough.
... come on now, realty is precious.
. i am not obligated to put you at the same # as you do me.

you could, if you wanted, weigh in your social weight by your travels in your friends' top 8s. which is to say, in the Sims, if you don't call a "friend" for awhile, your rapport decreases until a frowny face appears over their heads. if you don't Myspace your friends for awhile, your rapport decreases down the 8, letting you know a frowny face is sure to follow in-person. so be kind. check the 8s. make some comments. save the frowny faces.

and hey, now that Islands of Adventure will be opening the Harry Potter section, we really can go to Wizard World, too. just keep me away from the magic acts.

ok, for real iPhone? this isn't high school.

it isn't even elementary school.

at least i can relate to the iPhone insanity.
way back when, when the earth was cooling and i was a wee 5th grader, cell phones were on the periphery of our existence. they were something nebulous, though we were conscious of them. more importantly, someone picked up on that.

there were these walkie-talkies in ridiculously fun colours. you could "dial" your friends. they were all the rage. ALL. THE. RAGE. that was what we subjected our parents to. miles of lines outside Toys R Us. only to find they were sold out. but we had to. had to have them! it would have been the end of my little 5th grader life.

i was so excited the day i finally got my teal walkie talkie set.
except then they were banned from school the very. next. day. [sigh]

lesson here kids? yes, Apple is badass. yes, the iPhone is better than the previous iPhone. yes, it's shiny. but it will still be there tomorrow [and at least they won't be banned from work! haha]. go ahead, be the Pinnacle Of Cool and All that is Shiny Status Symbol for 5 minutes in repayment for the hours spent on line.

but here's a secret: i won't think you're any less tech savvy because you got it on Monday. in fact, since AT&T is losing stock so quickly, you'll probably wind up with it on Monday anyway. just doing up the hype doesn't do it for me [but here are some fun things that might].

i think what a lot of this has to do with is people like things to get excited over. we don't have enough space for surprise, intrigue, and excitement in our day to day lives as we did when we were children. some joke about technology being "our new toys"--but i think it's true. for some folks, this was Black Friday. the day when all the Christmas lines are ridiculous and half the fun is the insanity. but just like Black Friday... i'm staying home.

a new habit. distracting you.

alright, so it seems in addition to Friday Felines, i offer links worthy of friday distraction. i can do that. i'm often distracting--and distracted.

in the theme of zombies, you can now find out how long you would last trapped in your own home. or office. or cubicle. or where ever you call home. i'm a little disturbed that they account for pets, but hey. i can survive 87 days. however, i would only feed 10 zombies. you say tomato, i say cannibal. both are some form of human eating me. state of death isn't vital.

on to felines!
let's start with different interpretations of zombie cats.
inspirational zombie cat. postcard zombie cat. zombie lolcat. and my personal favourite zombie lolcat here.

got a zombie cat picture? send it my way. in the meanwhile, i'm going to continue doing actual work, and post something of relative substance later.

get it out. get it alllll out.

you wish you had this vending machine at your disposal.

i think i'd start with china plates, just to get that satisfying ZING feeling i assume i should get from all those old TV shows. though i do wish they had more irritating things. like i'd kill to throw a breakable Spongebob. but that's me.

arguably more useful than vending machine camoflage.

in other news, we're taking green one step too far. bringing it back to hunter-gatherer era, you are expected to keep warm with the berries--err, i mean insulation?--of your choice: Gatherer jacket. i just don't want things nesting in my coat.

how agencies are surviving zombie takeovers.

working in advertising, as jane points out, often requires the master of an escape plan.

i agree. keeping your heard above water requires focus undoubted on something larger than the agency to which oneself belongs. while jane recommends Fox news, i think that including the ironic humour that is a staple of the creative aspect of the industry is mandatory. vampires, werewolves, and Iron Man are more pending 2.0 threats than anything Fox news can come up with.

no, you need a zombie plan.
at least 37 or so.

as it happens, zombies are everywhere lately. no, not in the cubicle next to you--though perhaps.
with the assistance of twitter, we learned that an escape plan is no longer good enough. case in point: kensingtonvictoria.com. i particularly enjoy the supersoaker technique.

my at-work zombie plan involves rifling through my Big Dictionary of Death whereafter i learn not only are zombies technically undead, but they do not flinch at big words like antepenultimate. the next resource would be the grab the nearest Windows PC and throw it in hopes of having the zombie contract any number of viruses and trojans.

in the event that those means only aid in an enhanced zombie virus and the desire to copulate without birth, i will splash the great killer of ideas all over the zombies: burnt coffee. running henceforth from my agency, i will run wildly into the street, discovering it looks like an atom bomb hit. reaching for anything sharp, i will run with scissors to the autobody shop is just 2 stores down. a crowbar is my friend.

by that time, all of these posters will undoubtedly be on every telephone pole.

...and that is my zombie plan.
only 36 more to go.

my first Facebook breakup. there's a point.

so, being a digital native has certainly made breakups more awkward. i know this has been touched on, especially with regards to the "surprise" breakup, where you log in and suddenly you're not in a relationship. oops!

...that's not what happened to me.
i was one of the original Facebookers. my college was one of the first 50, i think, if not less. this recent relationship was very long. it was the first one to be recorded by Facebook in my life, and now the first to go, it's evident how Facebook is changing relationships.

we actually had to have a Facebook Conversation. we broke up. does that mean we unFacebook each other right away? is it so important that we leave one another's presence and, to properly lifestream, we do it the same day?

...or do we wait a few days? to affect our own nonchalance. or because we don't want to talk about it. or in case we do that strange thing where we break up and get back together. better just not to change it until we're sure, right?

yes, i really did have that conversation.
apparently, Facebook is the measure of just how official my relationship is.
[can i get a "fucked up"?]

we Facebook broke up five days after our actual breakup. it was my decision. i woke up this morning thinking, you know what, it's time to Facebook it. it sucked. moreover, what was even weirder?

it lists my ex as "In a Relationship" as the new status.
apparently when i "Cancal a Relationship" [because it's a transaction, you know: "you never give away your heart; you lend it from time to time. if it were not so, how could we take it back without asking?" -- winterson] i only cancel it on my end. i'm single. the ex is "In a Relationship" with no one, but since it's a new listing, it gets broadcast like it's a new relationship.

...really, really awkward.
not to mention if i hadn't Facebook-stalked my ex right away and noticed this error, i likely would have been hella fuckin' pissed when i noticed in three days. and now i have to go text my ex to warn that i did it, so it doesn't look like a jab. or before weird phonecalls start coming about the New Relationship.

but my question: where is the broken heart?

walmart's new transparency: hiding more from you.

well, that's just so special. right on the tail of the TSC Is Less Than Direct logo, and the problematic Missing M mantra of Quiznos, comes the 'refreshing' logo of Walmart (note, it's now one word; we're taking the human element out, he is dead after all...).

people. srsly. learn your symbols.
just like ">" can be read as "less than," the "*," or asterisk, often denotes fine print. and i'm sure we all know the incredible amount of fine print that Wal-Mart (oh, i'm sorry, Walmart) can accrue. just as perhaps the "less than direct" was inadvertent honesty, so possibly is the asterisk. i can't think of a better symbol to embody all the cover-ups and discontinuity of the worldwide empire.

WALMART*
* unlivable wages
* shitty benefits packages
* destruction of open space
* non-environmental interests
* monopolistic regime
* culture death
* lack of sustainability
* faux-interest in change

...i could go on. but i'll let you. so, in short, i think the new facelift is entirely appropriate. it symbolizes everything Wal-Mart has become: a faceless, humanless entity only interested in giving the illusion of change while hiding as much fine print as possible. yeah, sounds about right, logo designers.